Backups Up Front

The paternity findings for Anna Nicole Smith’s baby, Danielynn, will be released shortly. I want to be the first to tell you that the father is none other than New England Patriots’ QB, Tom Brady. Apparently Tommy Boy has had his, uh, hand, in everyone—I mean, everything, lately.

Tom has been so busy with women he should enlist his backup to be his wingman. By the way, can anyone tell me who Tom Brady’s backup is? If I were told the lives of my ex-wives were hanging on my answer, I couldn’t tell you (even if I knew it).

Backup quarterbacks have predominantly been faceless figures in the NFL. But there are those few who have been thrust into the starting role and excelled to superstardom. Tom Brady is one name that pops up.

Brady replaced an injured Drew Bledsoe and led the team to its first Superbowl win. Rich Gannon was a perennial backup, mostly to Elvis Grbac in Kansas City (there’s a blast from the past), but then excelled as the starter for the Raiders and led them to a Superbowl birth. And who can talk about a rags-to-riches story without mentioning Kurt Warner of the Rams.

Conversely there are those backups who get thrown into the limelight and then falter due to lack of preparation, a good surrounding team or just plain old athleticism. Any Raiders’, Redskins’, or Ravens’ QB of recent vintage comes to mind.

But then there is that one anomaly. The guy who gets his shot, has a great game or two, and then chokes in the big one. I am, of course, speaking of Dallas Cowboys’ QB, Tony Romo.

What Romo did last season was just this much short of a Cinderella story. He came in, played great, had thousands of people vote for him for the Pro Bowl, then he sucked the rest of the year, ultimately choking in the last playoff game with the Seahawks.

Tony got the limelight AND the girls. Chicks were lining up just to date him. Not just any chicks, but celebrities like Country star Carrie Underwood. The problem was that Romo was doing the Tom Brady thing, but he did it in the wrong order. First win, AND THEN get the hot famous chick. See, Tony? It isn’t that hard. (Well, maybe it was, and that was the problem.)

I also have a theory that the same people who voted for Romo for the Pro Bowl are also voting for Sanjaya on American Idol. FACT: Romo was dating a former American Idol winner.

Does anyone but me smell conspiracy?