The Charm School

Pacman Jones, cornerback for the Tennessee Titans, said that NFL Commissioner Goodell is out of line with the suspension handed down. According to Jones, he was never charged with any crime and therefore feels the suspension is excessive.

The only thing Pacman has done was just get arrested five times, speak to police ten times and fail to report to the Titans two arrests in Georgia last year. A felony obstruction charge for allegedly biting (yes, you read that right: biting) a Fayetteville, Ga., police officer was delayed until May, so technically he is correct.

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but, didn’t Chris Henry, the Bengals WR—and current number 2 on the NFL’s Most Wanted List, attend the same school as Jones? Why, yes, I believe they were teammates at West Virginia.

Let’s dig a little deeper into that aspect of this University being the root cause whole NFL “bad behavior” thing, shall we? Looking at the list of NFL players that school has turned out, you can easily see my theory that WVU is breeding NFL gangstas. All the players below have attended WVU:

1. Todd Sauerbrun, P, Patriots. This guy was having steroid parties with Bobby Bonds, Mark McGwire and Tonya Harding. He claims his bulking up was from eating lots of meatloaf.
2. Marc Bulger, QB, Rams. Although this WVU thief has yet to be arrested and charged with a felony, he is known for stealing the quarterback job away from MVP Kurt Warner. At gunpoint. Using Brenda as a shield.
3. Jerry Porter, WR, Raiders. Jerry is on the list for extortion and discarding. He wouldn’t give Randy Moss his number 84 when Moss came to the Raiders unless Moss coughed up mega-bucks in blood money. Moss refused to play ball so he took number 18 instead. This year Porter changed his number from 84 to 81. That’s just plain and utter bullshit, if you ask me.
4. Anthony Becht, TE, Buccaneers. Wayne Chrebet basically made this bad-boy look like a winner. Chrebet retired, Becht moved on and now he is stealing paychecks in sunny Tampa Bay.
5. Mike Vanderjagt, K, last with the Cowboys. Idiot kicker. Need I say more?

It is my contention that Mr. Goodell better keep an eye on Dan Mozes on Draft day. The big center hails from, you guessed it—WVU. Word on the street is he is the second coming of Bugsy Siegel.